..::Stonedly Vogue::..

2007-03-19T03:06:00.001+08:00

oh, so this mother-fucking thing still works?

good.

2007-03-19T03:03:00.000+08:00

Liang - [the liangs' special] says:
can you help me think of a random guys name?

Liang - [the liangs' special] says:
other than jim, freddie

Liang - [the liangs' special] says:
or jimmy

Liang - [the liangs' special] says:
or colin

fucking pretty shoes kill my fucking feet - THE END says:
HAHAHAHAAH

fucking pretty shoes kill my fucking feet - THE END says:
spencer

2007-02-21T00:47:00.000+08:00

mp3: somebody to love
artist: jefferson airplane
~*when the truth is found to be lies and all the joys within you, dies, don't you want somebody to love..*~

and it still feels at home.

this is the problem with me, i tend to have one hundred and one things on my mind, wanting to burst out especially when i'm either showering, trying to sleep, crapping or simply watching tv. but yet, when it comes to this fucking blogger page, my brain goes blank. i seriously cannot fathom this peculiar behaviour.

therefore, this marks the end of the entry.

yes, i am in need of mind-benders, as well.

2007-01-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

mp3: dream on
artist: aerosmith
~*and dream until your dream comes true..*~

" Love is Russian roulette for me. No one loves the real me inside, they're all in love with my fame, my stardom...l have this hard, macho shell, which I project on stage, but there's a much softer side too, which melts like butter. "
- freddie mercury -

hmm, abeh siapa suruh jadi kewat? siapa suruh suka pistols? kalau tidak, aku sudah bersedia untuk bermatair dengan dikau. maybe kalau kita berasmara-dana, kau tidak akan dijangkiti virus aids, okay? pasal maybe condoms tidak lah mahal sangat. gaji sebagai rockstar dah berjuta-juta, tak kan lah a few bucks tak boleh nak beli benda-alah tersebut? kental sangat, kewat.

i am sexually attracted to you, bitch.

2007-01-07T21:43:00.000+08:00

fucking blogger.

useless.

i'm off to livejournal.

2006-12-05T00:41:00.000+08:00

mp3: you know my name; casino royale's theme song
artist: chris cornell
~*i've seen diamonds cut through harder men than you, yourself. but if you must pretend, you may meet your end. the coldest blood runs through my veins. you know my name..*~

so i've finally watched, casino royale.
straigth to the point, the new blonde james bond is without a doubt, a genuine member of shahila's 'above 35 hot stuff' association. daniel craig, you should be proud and welcome to the club. motto of the clique? the older, the hotter.

i was aware that every single scene that le chiffre aka mads mikkelsen came on screen, i tend to chew on my popcorn so much harder and i squealed, " hot nya diaaaaaaaaa! ". i bet the whole cinema heard me but really, i was just telling the truth. nothing but the truth. mads was looking fine, so fine, my love.

i was slightly guilty, though. because jim was literally on my chest 'watching' the film, too.

but i am sure he will understand.

promiscuous thought, my favourite shot of mr. mads mikkelsen. so what, i know.

let's end this with the best line in the movie, we shall.

" now you can tell all your friends that you died scratching my balls! "
- james bond in casino royale. -

2006-12-02T00:05:00.000+08:00

mp3: wind it up
artist: gwen stefani
~*but the girls want to know why the boys like us so much..*~

happy 50th birthday, baby(ok, maybe not so much of a baby but say, a baby's grandfather? tsk). so old yet so hot.
picture credit: natashadametheeroticgirlfriendofdanielcraig

i'm still active chatting with nattie over at msn. eventhough the clock says it's close to 3 in the morning. what is new, i don't know. mads mikkelsen being the main topic. there seems to be no end.

i am over at kak upik's. there will be a pre-mini birthday celebration for fiqah(my 2nd sister)today and she will turn 12. yes, her birthdate falls on 8th december. and this 8th december 2006 will also be jim morrison's 63rd birthday(if he was alive).

wow, in this entry alone, i've mentioned three of my favourite men. brilliant.

morrison, fichtner and mikkelsen. 1 dead, 2 still alive and kicking.

i still feel like posting more pictures but i couldn't. i don't have them now.

i've realised, my computer seems to be the most precious thing to me. one picture deleted means one part of me died. i have pictures of the celebrities i fancy, the men i love and the friends i would love to hate but failed.

things just couldn't get any better.

*fucking random entry*

2006-11-14T01:25:00.000+08:00

mp3: just another day
artist: jon secada
~*why can't you stay forever? just give me a reason, give me a reason..*~

work is pretty awesome. juffri kept reminding me to style up and colour my hair since i will be working in 'the devil wears prada'. but seriously, i still stroll into the office with my drainpipes and slippers. only on days when i feel like an a-list celebrity, will i dress up a little bit. everyone is nice and experienced. i will get to do a fashion page in elle soon. watch this space.

hari raya has just got to stop. i've had my fair share for only two god-damned days. first and second syawal. i don't think the surrogate family is going to have the annual house-visiting. everybody is just so busy and.. lazy. i am lazy.

i hate it when people come over to my place and expect me to have a serious conversation with them in the living room, as though we've been really close all our lives. the last time i saw you was when i was 5. and now, you look older and have horrible teeth. yes, i definitely grew bigger and taller.

the rest of my relatives are still okay. but they have to understand, i don't talk much to the adults. unless they are cool and laugh at the jokes i tell them.

ah, and i've got work tomorrow.

2006-11-01T19:23:00.000+08:00

this has been the most hectic week of my fucking life.

assessment is on the 6th and there are still so much to be completed and compiled.

plus, i have to quickly fix an appointment with elle magazine for the internship interview.

life has never been this exciting and i'm beginning to be a fan.

2006-10-21T03:02:00.000+08:00

mp3: dealova
artist: once
~*aku ingin menjadi sesuatu yg selalu bisa kau sentuh. aku ingin kau tahu bahwa ku selalu memujamu, tanpamu sepinya waktu merantai hati. oh bayangmu seakan-akan..*~

aku serahkan segala-galanya kepadamu. terimalah..

2006-10-20T00:36:00.000+08:00

mp3: i don't feel like dancing
artist: scissor sisters
~*cities come and cities go just like the old empires. when all you do is change your clothes and call that versatile. you got so many colours make a blind man so confused. so why can't I keep up when you're the only thing I'd lose?*~

"when all you do is change your clothes and call that versatile."

3 days left. (puasa is very-very tiring and mencabar keimanan saya sebagai seorang muslim.)

2006-10-18T01:25:00.000+08:00

mp3: jump
artist: madonna
~*yes, i'm ready to jump.*~

my mom knows that i've been smoking.

'kau tau tak, kalau isap rokok, nanti dpt cancer.'

i'm looking forward to sunday. sofrie's gonna help me dye my hair, my virgin hair.

i have to get a shocking yellow eyeshadow, bright green nail polish. i'm going rainbow this raya. i'm really bored with the stuff i own, eg. clothes, accessories, shoes. boring. dressing up these days is starting to feel like a chore. throw me something new.

2006-10-12T01:36:00.000+08:00

mp3: look at her face
artist: the coral sea
~*look at her face, she's crying. see her mistakes, they're blinding. i hope you figure it out.*~

jeffrey dean morgan. (better known as denny duqette in grey's anatomy)

- handsome rugged face; check
- skinny jeans; double check
- killer blazer&vintage tee&suede boots; check
- ciggie; check
- calon suami; check check check check check check check check check check check

my favourite picture at the moment. he's 40. i don't care, i'll marry him any day.

2006-10-03T01:32:00.000+08:00

mp3: none, i'm watching grey's anatomy's '17 seconds' on youtube.
artist: grey's anatomy

sorry, i'm really being all mushy watching that episode on repeat. especially the scene when lizzie and denny were having this emotional tiff. wah piang. this makes me want to have a much older boyfriend. denny is 36 and lizzie, well, she's an intern so she'll probably be in her early 20s. love love love.

ok, moving on swiftly!

monday was okay in school. met up with sofrie in the sewing room. man, that girl was in her hotpants again! hahahaha. sexy! he has nice legs lah, so it's very cantik!

that puki tiang asked me over to smoke in the men's restroom, and i was like,

'eh b, maybe i puasa?!'

yeap.

ah, we managed to cam-sundaling. again. and. again.

pose you tuh, mengancam!

yeap!

alamak! hot stuff is in the house ah nih, b! hahaha!

representing, ms sofrie knowles ventura campbell!

lawar eh. hahaha. sofrie, you were supposed to be a girl. god made a mistake.

just like he made on jim. jim wasn't supposed to die.

2006-09-27T02:10:00.001+08:00

mp3: good times roll
artist: the cars
~*let the stories be told, they can say what they want. let the photos be old, let them show what they want. let them leave you up in the air. let them brush your rock and roll hair. let the good times roll. let the good times roll-oll. won't you let the good times roll..*~

so the glamour squad was at the singapore idol grand final's result show last two nights. it was full of profanities, amat-tak-perlu-comments, dancing randomly ala kuda kepang gone wrong in public and sisterly love. for short, it was simple fun.
i met juffri(nama timangan; pipi) at around 6.20pm and we boarded the train over to kallang. si sial tuh mati-mati told me that we are not allowed into the fucking indoor stadium after 6.30. i swear i felt like going somewhere else! sampai kallang, jumper my b and yani and complained to them about the entrace timing. as usual, aku kene tipu dgn si puki tiang pipi. tsk.

that's my b and pipi and yani. hahaha. pipi was voting for hady, step pakai my celly.

hahahaha, sial. step hady mirza is my idol ah nih, b!

hahaha, how about kiter step bersamer!

ah nih, sofrie asked me to step bersorak utk hady. wah piang! hahaha!

ussssssssssssssssss! hahahaha. presenting, sienna miller and naomi campbell! hahaha!

model behaviour habesssssssss! pukimak harum sundal jambu!

group shot. i think this was after the result was annouced. sema dah jadi giler babi! hahaha.

wah b, daddy you betol-betol happy eh hady menang! hahahaha. hady's no. 1 fan ah! haha!

reaction pipi mcm sial! hahaha! konon si hady tuh bf kau ah nih! mcm terharu sangat boyfriend jadi singapore idol! hahahahaha! suar!

sisters. b's mummy and aunt! happy people! =]

sofrie punyer pandai, main-main ambek jer pics! hahaha!
so after the show, we went over to kallang's mcdonald's. nak mencekek. oh yah, i was caught in between the doors of the bus when alighting. nasib b ader! hahaha. as usual ah, sema step ketawer. even the fucking bus-driver laughed. sial betol.
dah habis cekek and relaxed ourselves, we went over to the bustop nearby. anyway, before reaching the bustop, we had to cross this pretty long traffic. pipi punyer sundal, he ordered us to fucking cat-walk/gallop to the other end. wah piang, aper lagik, we totally sashayed mcm top models! b = naomi campbell, pipi = kate moss, yani = tyra banks and me = sienna miller. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! perangai satu-satu mcm sungai wang! gitu takper, dah sampai bustop, wah sofrie dgn pipi boleh step continue nih galloping up and down! evidence?

tak tau lah sangat aper maksud nih duer betina!

wah b, absolutely into the naomi ghetto ah! hahahahahaha!

i was totally stunned. kenaper pi perangai kau mcm gini? hahahaha. ok lah, mcm kate moss doing the ck advert!
kiter balik naik bus 196 so turun kat bedok interchange. aper lagik, sambil tunggu bus, let's cam-sundal-ing!

wow. on your right, Japan's next top model! left, Indonesia's new face cover of vogue! hahahahaha! seriously eh, aku penat tau layan karenah sial korang! hahahaha! tapi best.

us again! hahahaha. my b and me. hahahaha!

hahahaha. sembarang ah pi, tak cerewet!

hahahaha, pipi tak habes-habes wanna spot me and my lazy eyes. he will say, 'eh b, asal mater gitu? baru habes isap subutex ah nih!'. hahahahaha!

lastly, my fav pic. hahaha. b,b, if only you were straight! hahahahahahaha! sexy sangat back you! hahahahaha!
k, i'll be back with an another entry about today! hahahaha!

2006-09-22T16:47:00.000+08:00

mp3: stairway to heaven
artist: led zeppelin
~*your head is humming and it wont go. in case you dont know, the pipers calling you to join him, dear lady, can you hear the wind blow, and did you know your stairway lies on the whispering wind..*~

i took these off darn's space. yeah, during my 19th celebration, last friday night.

the cake was too good. thank you, surrogate family.

yesterday in class, we were supposed to pose with our names because apparently ina(she's at the background holding a camera), our lecturer wanted to memorise our names and recognise our faces. but really, she knew me already. defeat the purpose but i took full use of it, nonetheless.

my b, sofrie ventura knowles. very jambu.

i thought i had a snap of juffri, too, in the bus. i figured he deleted it. kental ah, minah.

i'm very tired, smells weird and uninspired. it's time for a bath and sleep.

2006-09-20T16:23:00.000+08:00

mp3: get off of my cloud
artist: rolling stones
~*then in flies a guy who's all dressed up like a union jack, and says, i've won five pounds if i have his kind of detergent pack..*~

look what we've got in common..

2006-09-20T03:21:00.000+08:00

mp3: lagenda
artist: sheila majid
~*kau kebanggaan kita, kau budayawan bangsa; engkau lagenda..*~

if sheila majid dedicated this song for the late p.ramlee,

shahila ismail devotes it to allahyarham james douglas morrison.

kaulah satu satunya,
di antara berjuta,
insan teristimewa.

patah tak tumbuh lagi,
hilang belum berganti,
kerana kau tersendiri.

kau kebanggaan kita,
kau budayawan bangsa,
engkau lagenda..

semoga allah mencucuri rahmat ke atas roh-nya..

amin.

2006-09-20T02:23:00.000+08:00

mp3: twentieth century fox
artist: the doors
~*well, she's fashionably lean. and she's fashionably late. she'll never rank a scene. she'll never break a date. but she's no drag. just watch the way she walks. she's a twentieth century fox.*~

confirmed. my father is getting me jimbo's biography as my 19th birthday gift(i'll probably beg him to also buy me other the doors-related books).

i'm imagining the girl infront of him is me. wah piang, his body language when kissing was really sexy.
cekak pinggang, ok.

2006-09-16T01:34:00.000+08:00

mp3: the crystal ship
artist: the doors
~*before you slip into unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss. another flashing chance at bliss. another kiss, another kiss.*~

i had the most bizarre night previously. before i crash, i will usually leave my earplugs on and let the music travels through(the songs were on shuffle). and so the peculiar thing was, right before the soul was literally slipping out of my body, i heard jim morrison 'whispering',

'before you slip unconsciousness, i'd like to have another kiss. another flashing chance at bliss. another kiss, another kiss'.

psyched but i was too sleepy to think about it.

after four and a half hours later, just as i regained conscious, he 'spoke' again in my ears. this time it was,

'awake, shake dreams from your hair, my pretty child, my sweet one. choose the day and choose the sign of your day, the day's divinity'.

omfg. it felt as though jimbo was in my room watching me! spooky but lovely.

i hope he comes to my dreams later.

2006-09-15T03:32:00.000+08:00

bowling was fun on the 13th.

2006-09-08T04:25:00.000+08:00

mp3: paper bag
artist: goldfrapp
~*when the world stops for snow. when you laugh, i'm inside your mouth. baboons and birds sucking the sun. with the weight of you dear, i forgot.*~

situations had ran out of hand.

2006-09-01T23:47:00.000+08:00

mp3: dumb
artist: nirvana
~*skin the sun. fall asleep. wish away. the soul is cheap. lesson learned. wish me luck. soothe the burn. wake me up. i'm not like them, but I can pretend. the sun is gone, i have a light the day is done, i'm having fun. i think i'm dumb. or maybe just happy.*~

nothing much to say but tomorrow will be a busy day. i will be dragging myself to school. but here's the good point, once you see most of your friends working, you will instantly get the burning enthusiasm to also do work. in fact, i'm looking forword for tomorrow. speaking of which, i need to get a pack of ciggies. smoke breaks are extremely essential. unless you want to lose your mind after just 10cm of stitching on the machine.

the other day i was telling a friend about one of my closest friends. i've realised people do change after going through a phase. it's not that i initially don't. i just refused to believe. not until it hit myself. i can't really blame her but it seriously bugs the fucking shit out of me. i couldn't stress it enough. i'm guessing i'm just too fucking nice towards friends. i'm just too fucking sincere. i'm just too fucking caring and understanding. fucking cunt.

you know what, i'm not usually this angsty but i'm still going to say what's on my mind. if ever, i will undergo that mother-fucking phase, i swear to god, i will do exactly what she has already done to me. i'm going to fucking dump you as a friend.

and by the way, if any of my closest friends read this, don't fucking come to me and ask who is that bitch. i will say it's you, eventhough it's not. just fucking leave me alone already. i want to keep this to myself. i will probably bitch to the wall on how a terrible bastard you really are these days but that's about it.

at this point, you think i really want to continue being a close friend to you?

fuck it, no fucking way. fuck fuck fuck fuck. fuck you.

i figured, i can never depend on anyone. fucking assholes.

fana just called. she just made my night.

'eh shahila, kat rtm1 eman manan tengah act. aper kater kau tengok? '

hahahahahahahaha.

at around 7 in the evening just now, she asked me out to attend the singapore biennale's opening at the padang. i was feeling very malas nak mampos so i declined. but later, after watching the 9.30pm news on 5, i wished i went!

ader fashion show and najib fucking ali was the host! cibai kan, very the happening punyer! contemporary art party at the padang! so gerek. wah piang eh.

nevermind, i will be waiting for her call again later after she's done eating. i can then ask her how many hot artists were spotted, any local celebs, who wore what, was there any rare affair, etc etc. hahahaha.

ok, i'm off! enjoy the weekends, bastardos.

2006-08-24T21:18:00.000+08:00

mp3: shelter from the storm
artist: bob dylan
~*not a word was spoke between us, there was little risk involved. everything up to that point had been left unresolved. try imagining a place where it's always safe and warm. "come in," she said, "i'll give you shelter from the storm."*~

it's official. my father has gotten on my nerves, right now as i am typing this down. wtf, really. i was reprimanded because my itunes was blaring alil loud? my mother was in my room awhile ago and said nothing. i hate men when they're getting older. irritating and i just feel like kicking someone! i'm not trying to be rude but sometimes, the word 'unnesessary' actually means something. the old man was saying that i banged the toilet door too hard and because of that i require a wee bit of discipline at home.

eh aper nih merepek?!

so now, since he claimed the music is loud, i'm going to shut the mother-fucking door to my room and increase the volume, nonetheless. seriously tak kelakar.

ok, i'm done ranting.

2006-08-23T00:43:00.000+08:00

mp3: technicolor girls
artist: death cab for cutie
~*technicolor boys, transistor radios blasting their treble tones and the arguments are disputed after school, in the parking lot as the teachers bend the rules.*~

life's been so good these days. school is very entertaining eventhough i had to fucking sew so many things within 7 fucking days.

today, i saw the man of my dreams(?). i was on the way to chinatown to get some fabrics for school. i was running late already. i was supposed to meet my pals at 1pm there but surprise, surprise, i'm still in the mother-fucking train at 1.45pm. that aside, i was still happy at the end.

i was leaning against the transparent divider and so i had to face another divider. 15 mins of time travelling, no hottie detected until.. the train stopped at kembangan.

alah-mak!

this 1.85 boy, mixed heritage, hidung mancung, broad shoulders strolled in. ok lah, he wasn't in tight pants but at least hidung mancung pipi tersorong-sorong?

i was trying so hard to maintain muka! he stood infront of me. say, half a meter away?! we were facing each other and i had no choice but to look down on the fucking floor! tak kan nak tengok dia?!

and the worst part..

my hingus had to meleleh at that fucking point of time!

gross but i'm serious, before that, i was fine. no running nose. then suddenly, i started sniffing.
totally wtf situation.

i had to constantly place my index finger below my nostrils. preventing it from flowing out!

wah liao, he was something! he's taller than me, muscular, totally bukan melayu face, hidung mancung and he wore a man-bangle. omg, i was instantly turned on. dah lah tangan berurat-urat. eh, i think i have to stop thinking about boys tau. or get myself a boyfriend, no?

hahaha. anyway, news update, i have a crush(??????????????).

i like shan wee, the radio dj of 98.7fm(perfect ten). he is so fucking smart. his conversations are always so intelligent. suara dia, i don't wanna mention lah eh. hot sangat! his mixed british and chinese. no wonder kacak semacam! and i get to see him weekly on tv! rated:e! he's 1.9m, fyi!

alah-hai!

boys should not exist.

ps: i crossed paths with the ex-president of indonesia, megawati sukarnoputri while i was making my way up in takashimaya.

2006-08-07T23:33:00.000+08:00

mp3: losing my religion
artist: r.e.m
~*that's me in the corner. that's me in the spotlight. losing my religion. trying to keep up with you. and I don't know if I can do it. oh no i've said too much. i haven't said enough. i thought that i heard you laughing. i thought that i heard you sing. i think i thought i saw you try..*~

victoria beckham has finally worn a fucking drainpipe out in public. she finally ditched her fugly either black/white boot cut jeans/pants. come on, we girls are dying to have legs like her(i'm not even going to comment anything on her current weight!). for a change, flaunt those assets, vic.

from these..

aper nih, nak step sapu lantai ke aper?

makes her legs look shorter eh?

btw, that belt, it's a fendi. i know, it's not fucking fair.

to yeah, these.

lawar sangat clutch dier! cool lah dressing nih sundal satu! and her heels, looked so much like the one i have. ok, maybe just the shape of the shoes is the same. i shall prove it. hahahahaha!

the bigger feet you have, the better girls. they make your heels look so long and 'thin'. hahaha!

and did you know, even rich fucking rich celebrities like victoria beckham, wear the same fucking outfit more than once? posh was surely lying in one of her interviews where claiming that she won't be caught red-handed putting on the same clothes twice!

busted! look at this!

definitely not from the same day! the picture on the right was taken when she was still having that long and wavy extensions. and yeah, she was holding a different handbag. omg, same clothes even her fucking heels and jewellery!

i feel so much better about myself now.

2006-07-22T02:18:00.000+08:00

mp3: hysteria
artist: muse
~*because I want it now. i want it now. give me your heart and your soul and i'm breaking out. i'm breaking out that's when she'll lose control. yeah it's hurting me
morphing me and forcing me to strive. to be endlessly caving in and dreaming of my love.*~

i was utterly depressed with the ending of dead man's chest. wtf, abang johnny was sucked up by the fucking octopus? i demand an explanation.

after the movie treat by kak upik, we went around town to do abit of shopping.
and something happened. i don't know if it's a huge deal to anyone but it sure is to me. we were in forever 21, kak pik wanted to get herself a top. i wasn't really interested in the clothes there but you know, for the sake of looking at the teenagers strolling in and out of the store, it was quite an experience for me. macam-macam karenah budak-budak sekolah menengah!

cut things short, i started making eye-contact with this salesboy in forever 21!

hahahahahahahaha. it was fucking hilarious but of course, i didn't smile one bit to the guy. here's the issue, is he gay?

AND YES YES YES, HE WORE TIGHT JEANS!

ASTARAAAAAAAAAAA!

that was the peak of the whole encounter!

he looks like nick verreos from project runway 2. he has softer facial features, though. he dresses so well even at work, nice shoes to go with. totally gay!

i didn't realise i was walking aimlessly around and ended up at the lingerie section! i was hoping he wasn't looking but lo and behold, he was right behind me! how sweet is that!

but i love the feeling, yes?

main-main mater, aduhai!

hahahahaha!

maybe one of these days i should drag sofrie and juffri over to forever 21! hahahahaha!

2006-07-18T04:00:00.000+08:00

mp3: how can you be sure?
artist: radiohead
~*running down the hill all so battered and brought to the ground. i am hungry again. i am drunk again. with all the money I owe to my friends, when i'm like this how can you be smiling, saying how can you be sure? how can you be sure? if you walk out the door, will I see you again? if so much of me lies in your eyes. i am hungry again. i am drunk again.*~

aku macam nak mati dengan perangai kau tau, farhana wahianuar!

nevertheless, i really enjoyed staring at the picture you've made for me above.

tulus ikhlas dari hati.

2006-07-16T22:10:00.000+08:00

mp3: we could be so good together
artist: the doors
~*tell you 'bout the world that we'll invent. wanton world without lament. enterprise, expedition, invitation and invention. we could be so good together. ya, so good together. we could be so good together. ya, we could, know we could. tell you lies. tell you wicked lies. tell you lies. tell you wicked lies. the time you wait subtracts the joy. beheads the angels you destroy. angels fight, angels cry. angels dance and angels die.*~

"i cried when i finally hugged him. my arm was locked around his neck. he was two heads taller than me but peculiar, my chin touched his left shoulder. it was such a forlorn situation that i remembered having phlegm discharging from my nose and onto his linen shirt. indeed, i wasn't crying, i was weeping like a baby. he whispered in my ear, 'it's alright now, it really is'. i kept kissing his temple and down to his cheeks. i kissed so hard, i could even smell his after-shave. he has my tears and phlegm all over his left cheek. i never felt this way before."

if only dreams could be direct translated into reality, my divine messenger.

whiskey, mystics and men.

2006-07-16T01:29:00.000+08:00

here's looking at you, underage bitch.

2006-07-13T04:24:00.000+08:00

mp3: takkan ada cinta yang lain
artist: dewa
~*haruskah kuulangi lagi, kata cintaku padamu, yakinkan dirimu masihkah terlintas didada keraguanmu itu susahkan hatimu. tak akan ada cinta yang lain.. pastikan cintaku hanya untukmu.. pernahkah terbersit olehmu.. aku pun takut kehilangan.. dirimu..*~

how about, i get the fucking drift?

darn, this is for real.

1. juling
2. air liur tersendat kat tekak
3. cara jalan serupa kedi makrip (ew!)
4. islam-selam
5. he doesn't fucking wear tight jeans/drainpipe!
6. his father is a rockstar. not him.
7. potential phedophile ( he's 25, she's 17 and no, this isn't applicable for abang johnny and i. for us, it's definitely true love .)
8. not my type (duh!)
9. he has a french/indonesia/chinese/whatfuckelse gf and
10. i have johnny depp as a bf. there!

he made me do this.

and this comes right from the bottom of my heart.

sofrie is being such a darling. he volunteered to cheer me up.

he sent me three links.

http://www.malempegs.com/blueloot/gals/560/indexd.html

http://www.coolgaymovies.com/movie1/hfhc01/20.html

http://www.gaytheone.com/gaymovies/gay271omn/gay_56Nplglt.html

oh god, wet dreams!

2006-07-08T03:50:00.000+08:00

mp3: billie jean
artist: michael jackson
~*billie jean is not my lover..*~

on thursday night, i got to know from an indonesian blogger that earlier in the year, she once saw fachry albar hanging out with some other celebs in a club in jakarta.

and she added, fachry drives the fucking new bmw series. fucking fucking fucking hot. i didn't know he was that rich.

i've no one to share the joy with so i turned to mom. i was telling her how awesome it will be if i get to ride the four-wheeler with fachry ~~and that we will probably have sex in it.~~

well, because my mom was my mom she said,

'eh, kau ingat dia nak ke dengan kau? tonggeng lah!'

before that, i was actually having my dinner in my parents' bedroom. i hate eating alone in the kitchen, you see. i was pretty hungry so i am guessing that i ate like a fcuking pig because dad was actually staring at me.

i caught him. and asked, ' asal tengok-tengok?'

he said,

'tak kan tak boleh tengok, kan anak abah cantik..'

i think my parents say the darnest freaky things!

2006-07-05T02:39:00.000+08:00

mp3: suara kita
artist: wings
~*telah pun kita mencuba, walau rintangan bersama. semangat masih menyala.. oh.. membakar dalam jiwa.. ku kenang kembali peristiwa. walaupun pernah pedih.. hati kita.. oooo.. hati kita.. oooo.. kesan satu rasa, tinggi nilai harganya. tak ternilai kita lepas dari ini. mungkin seksa yang menanti.. oooo..*~

so my mom mati-mati wants italy to win the semi-final match later.

no, i didn't influence her. she is on her own.

i asked, 'ma, asal ah mama suker italy menang?'

with her i-know-it-all face, she answered, 'yer lah, germany kan orang dier jahat-jahat..'

mama, you rule.

ok, it's going to start in 15 minutes. you know, i really like watching the short clips of the players before the game. nih pulak jantan-jantan italia. aku nak tau siaper pakai aper, dgr ipod ker tak, rambut masih basah ker tak, bawak bag aper semuer.. the germans? maybe not lah eh. muker dorang takder satu yg hansem. like ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww. main ganas lagik. tsk!

ak ah, i am kepo like that.

2006-06-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

mp3: young and wasted
artist: kiss
~*you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. you laugh in the face of the fates. fallen angels spread their wings, so you cross the gates of hate.*~

i

deprecade

copycats!

you should die immediately.

2006-06-30T03:31:00.000+08:00

mp3: fever
artist: beyonce
~*he's so sweet. he's so good to me. he's so intelligent. he's so confident. my baby, so very sexy. my baby put the fever on me, uh uh.. my baby knows just what to do. got me boiling past a hundred and two.. give me a fever.. oh.. uh uh..*~

you know what? i'm deprived of shopping. right now. oh my little shopping affair, you are being missed terribly.

i missed getting pretty clothes at 5 bucks, 2 bucks, 3 bucks.

tomorrow is saturday. good timing.

for now, i will try to sleep.

2006-06-30T00:29:00.000+08:00

mp3: she bangs the drums
artist: stone roses
~*I can feel the earth begin to move. I hear my needle hit the groove and spiral through another day. I hear my song begin to say. Kiss me where the sun don't shine. The past was yours. But the future's mine. You're all out of time. I don't feel too steady on my feet. I feel hollow, I feel weak. Passion fruit and holy bread. Fill my guts and ease my head. Through the early morning sun, I can see her here. she comes, She bangs the drums.*~

i nearly stopped breathing when i saw a new candid picture of fachry albar. i got this off a indonesian forum. yes, i am that unoccupied.

so fachry acted in a sinetron titled 'malin kundang'. it is now aired on rtm2. every weekdays at 2.30pm.

and here's the snap of him and two of his unknown friends.

first reaction; i want that fucking t-shirt his mates are wearing! now, now, now!

surely i'm more than willing to put on a shirt with his fucking gorgeous face printed on it! like who does?!

ok, please calm down. the time of the month came this evening, which explains why i was frenzied over this.

it's only going to be 1 in the morning. i don't sleep until five.

2006-06-29T00:27:00.000+08:00

mp3: stars
artist: the weepies
~*tangerines are hanging heavy, glowing marigolden hues. teasing a half-pale moon. and i feel a pull to the blue-velvet dark and stars. pink magnolia, blusing and coy, savors the sun while she shines. you've got yours and i've got mine.*~

darn, this shows i still read your space and unfortunately also, i am one of those kids who are in need of a new hobby. abrupt.

7 random facts about me;

- i bite my nails.
- i still have mom doing my dirty laundry.
- i've always wanted to be a surgeon.
- i wish fashion doesn't exist.
- i love my size 9 feet. it makes my heels look extravagant.
- my first love was crap-shit.
- i love dinna sahlawati bte nahar, noor farhana bte wahianuar, nur syahidah bte mohd salleh, siti khadijah bte shaik abdullah and tengku jamillah bte tengku mohd jaafar(in order of our secondary four register list).

7 things that scare me;

- allah swt.
- cats.
- my mom, sometimes.
- sex.
- going home alone at 4 in the morning.
- ghosts.
- death.

7 random music at the moment

- rock and roll; led zeppelin
- seribu tahun takkan mungkin; bumiputra rockers(this is forever)
- put your head on my shoulder; paul anka
- fever; beyonce
- gantengnya pacarku; nina karlina
- we're coming back; cock sparrer
- i wanna be adored; stone roses

7 things i like the most

- fachry albar.
- sisterhood.
- my clothes/accessories.
- cancer sticks.
- boys in drainpipe.(this is serious shit)
- men's apparels
- males, boys, men, penis-owners

7 things i say the most

- alamak!(in juffri's signatured accent)
- profanities.
- profanities.
- profanities.
- profanities.
- profanities.
- i've got you under my skin.

7 people i want to do this

- fachry
- johnny
- rupert
- hernan
- filippo
- sienna
- mary-kate

ps: i can't stand the current weather. it's been pretty aggressive.

2006-06-28T04:53:00.000+08:00

mp3: senggol-senggolan, cubit-cubitan
artist: mas idayu
~*senggol-senggolan, cubit-cubitan, aku bernyanyi, kau petik gitar. senandungkan cinta. bunga berseri, kumbang menari asmara kita, semakin bersemi. semoga abadi, semoga abadi, semoga abadi..*~

fine, spain is out of the world cup. i'm semi-grieving. move on, yes?

the next pleasurable match; brazil vs france.

and of course, i strongly want england to exit immediately, eventhough i have a fucking union jack on the wall in my room.

england vs portugal; i'm really looking-forward for another 4-red cards in this one. hopefully figo bashes beckham on his stomach. so that you could puke again, becks.

weird, i was feeling all sleepy awhile ago but.. after listening to mas idayu's senggol-senggolan, cubit-cubit on repeat, my eyes are wide open.

2006-06-28T02:12:00.000+08:00

mp3: sweet dreams (are made if this)
artist: eurythmics
~*sweet dreams are made of this, who am I to disagree? i travel the world and the seven seas. everybody's looking for something. some of them want to use you. some of them want to get used by you. some of them want to abuse you. some of them want to be abused.*~

finally. my secret formula to shed that teramat-tak-perlu babat disekeliling pinggang, perut, peha, pipi dan lengan;

get a fucking boyfriend.

i was sitting crossed-legged on my bed the other night, hallucinating for quite a while. and then it strucked me.

i reminisced when i was in a relationship at 16, i lost a pretty neat amount of weight. i totally forgotten how to eat, drink and sleep. literally. because all i had in my head was him. sometimes, i blame the young age. being naive, you know? but, on a much matured thought, you just don't want to be fat when you have a boyfriend.

like any guy would want to hug/kiss some fatso?

ah, afraid not.

so again, i was envisioning. supposedly i was dating _______(insert a name, much prefered if it belongs to an attractive boy). ok, that is probably an understatement, of course it is. i was daydreaming, remember?

i was imagining us making-out. i was clearly lacking a sense of security there. i won't even let him touch me. wait, touch my fats, thank you very much. the only thing that is going to happen would probably be his tougue down my throat. and that's all. no skinship whatsoever. which leaves me with..?

lose some fucking weight, bitch!

hence, having a boyfriend is a splendid idea, girls. it will benefit us, either way.

damn, it's 2.40am. i need to go.

spain vs france. i think i'll go with the spaniards.

ps: note to self; what is the implication of this entry, again?

2006-06-21T02:21:00.000+08:00

mp3: seksa
artist: ukays
~*walaupun lenaku panjang, tiada mimpi bertandang. menghitung hari berlalu, seksanya aku. walaupun masih teringat, kau jauh entah dimana. sudahnya ku duakanmu dan tak ku duga kau jelma pula. menagih lagi janji lama, sukar bagiku untuk terima. kehadiranmu untuk bersama, kali kedua.*~

2006-06-10T01:03:00.000+08:00

mp3: teman tapi mesra
artist: ratu
~*cukuplah saja berteman denganku. janganlah kau meminta lebih. ku tak mungkin mencintaimu. kita berteman saja. teman tapi mesra. aku memang suka pada dirimu. namun aku ada yang punya. lebih baik kita berteman. kita berteman saja. teman tapi mesra.*~

from my previous entry, you should have guessed by now, it turned out to be totally wicked. and i think i laughed so hard the whole fucking day. sofrie and juffri were such lovely motherfuckers, nevertheless. =]

we watched alexandria. you know, the one my fachry albar acted in? yeah, that was it. this one.

after which, we decided to bake cookies. i didn't do anything much(just the washing, perhaps), the pretty boys did it all.

si jup feeling-feeling bj kadir. hahahaha.

it looks abit weird, eh?

wah jup, kire sex ah gitu?

sempat utk bergroup shot. seriously, juffri was saying something nasty that made me looked the way i looked. sial kau, jup. hahaha.

aper kater, aku sendiri tak faham sangat dengan my own expressi? how about? and my hair looked like shit due to the undying creativity of juffri jeffri. hahahaha.

puan-puan, kemudian kita shape kan the adonan. hahaha.

go pipi!

the end product. selera tak?

the climax of the day was.. a self-made video. eye-orgasm, no?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jJro7gJLvM

sila lungsuri lelaman web http://outrageouslyinsane.blogspot.com for a more detailed story.

what a diversion.

2006-06-07T03:43:00.000+08:00

mp3: be without you
artist: mary j. blige
~*too strong for too long (and I can't be without you baby). and I'll be waiting up until you get home (course I can't sleep without you baby). anybody who's ever loved, you know just what I feel. too hard to fake it, nothing can replace it. call the radio if you just can't be without your baby.*~

yey yey besok lepak kat rumah sofrie! tgk ceriter alexandria samer-samer!

yahooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

cheers, ribena!

2006-06-05T01:03:00.000+08:00

mp3: walk on by
artist: dionne warwick
~*if you see me walking down the street, and i start to cry each time we meet, walk on by, walk on by. make believe that you don't see the tears. just let me grieve in private cause each time i see you, i break down and cry. i just can't get over losing you, and so if i seem broken and blue. walk on by, walk on by. foolish pride is all that i have left. so let me hide the tears and the sadness you gave me when you said goodbye.*~

my feet are killing me. i have blisters all over. my sunday turned out to be above average. i went over to nenek's place; aunt's wedding. i totally loved tina's outfit for the day. yeah, it was fun because i got to rewang after so long.

highlight of the afternoon, i saw a jude law look-alike. he's an elder brother to imran, the silat guy. i think i stared at him too long, i don't know. i was so thrilled until the point he salam munir's mom. omg, so selembut sutera. gay. he is gay. sofrie, this is your chance. a malay jude-law for you. lucky bastard. oh, mahi was there, too. this is a fucking small world, mahi turns out to be tina's friend. cam-whored and smoked with him for awhile.

this one makcik whom i didn't know, said to my mom, 'wah, nih nanti saya terima kad jemputan dari awak pulak yer!.' yer makcik, saya benar-benar sekali ingin bernikah dan mendirikan rumahtangga. she ended off the conversation with, 'takper lah, hari-hari boleh simpan dua posen.' dua posen sehari? nampaknya saya akan berbujang lah sehingga akhir nanti.

ah, jah.. your sister-in-law came, too. ahmad gave me a kiss before he left okay! i was such a nice auntie ila to your nephew! hehe.

i don't really wear a watch that works so i had to rely on my cellphone for the time. hence, i was checking and at the same time staring at my wallpaper which turns out to be a decent picture of fachry ali albar and abah had to interrupt, 'eh gambar siaper tuh?.' 'oh, nih lah gambar your future son-in-law! and your besan will be a rockstar. how do you feel about that?.' ah, i wasn't really expecting any responses from him. nobody takes me seriously when i speak about fachry. and it makes me feel all dismal.

i found some articles on fachry that makes me agitate.

'siapapun boleh berandai-andai, termasuk kamu. iya, kan? apa salahnya sih bermimpi atau membayangkan punya pacar superstar? wah, pasti asyik banget. bisa ikut ngetop, kan? teman-teman pasti pada ngiri. eh, tapi ada yang bilang, nggak enak juga loh. jantung ini deg-deg-an trus, takut si dia berpindah ke hati lain. ya, setiap kehidupan selalu saja ada suka dukanya. ah, seandainya bisa terwujud..'

aduh bener banget, pas lagi baca article itu, jantung aku memang lagi deg-deg-an, fachry. gak ada salahnya sama sekali bermimpi atau membayangkan punya pacar superstar/anak rockstar. alright, here's another article.

'kini ai(his nama timangan. hahaha.) mengaku semakin menikmati dunia akting." makin hari saya makin enjoy, kok. cuma gara-gara schedule yang padat, waktu istirahat saya makin sedikit. apalagi saya orangnya memang susah tidur," cerita ai yang hobi nonton film, olahraga, musik, membaca dan makan enak ini." pokoknya saya pemakan segala makanan enak," cerita pria yang mengaku sedang tak punya pacar ini. kriteria wanita idaman?" wah, saya enggak punya kriteria tertentu. Yang penting klik di hati."'

we share alot of common interests, my love. ok, last one.

'"COGAN(cowok ganteng) apaan? gua nggak keren. mau dipaksa keren kayak gimana juga, ya begini doang adanya." pesan pendek SMS bernada ceria itu diterima, saat bikin janji wawancara dengan fachry albar. soal pacar? berkali-kali Fachry bilang, dia sedang tidak punya. padahal tipenya simpel. "siapa saja yang gua ketemu, asal tek di hati," ceplosnya. ia menolak menyebutkan contoh paras gadis idamannya dengan mencomot nama artis indonesia. fachry mencoba berhati-hati. pasalnya, banyak yang mengira ia pernah pacaran dengan salah satu artis muda sinetron. "suer tidak pernah sama sekali," bantahnya berulang kali. tampangnya serius. agar jelas gambaran wajah perempuan yang dia sukai, dipilihnya satu nama. "Wynona Rider! lalu, sifatnya tidak manja-manja gitu dan selalu bikin gua bertahan di hatinya," ucapnya sembari senyum-senyum penuh arti.'

i asked jah if i am a manja person, she said, 'wakakakakakaka. shaila manja? no way! hahaha. kau kena learn from dinna. haha.' good. i fit the bill, then.
oh yah sayangku fachry, gak apa-apa kok kalau kamu gak keren. bisa aja aku ajarin kamu gimana-gimana gitu. pacaran dong ama aku dulu. hahahaha.

let's end off this rather long-winded entry with a picture of my desktop.

this gives me the reason to not do silly things infront of the pc. kan fachry lagi liat gitu loh!

wait, i need to share this bit of information. so, these days, since i had his picture as my desktop, i will switch on my computer for no apparent reason; just to see his face. and leave the monitor running while i'm doing my housework.

see, no wonder i am still single. no guys would want to date a mentally unstable girl like me. perhaps, except fachry ali albar. i love you, matahariku. sungguh.

2006-06-01T02:03:00.000+08:00

yang kiri itu sih istrinya fachri. trus yg di tengah, yah bini nya si fifty cent dan yg kanan pacarnya nas.

iyah deh, begitu lah ceritanya.

ok this is very random. i was thinking, i would be having the coolest name on earth if i were to get hitched to fachri albar. dah namer aku tukar; shahila ismail albar.

woohoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

mr. and mrs. fachri albar.

sak ah meletup habes!

sorry, i just had to post his picture. so it will be easier for me to menatap his face everytime i come online.

seriously, i should stop staring at his face/my computer screen. sakit mater.

2006-05-23T14:21:00.000+08:00

mp3: we will become silhouettes
artist: the postal service
~*i've got a cupboard with cans of food, filtered water, and pictures of you and i'm not coming out until this is all over and i'm looking through the glass where the
light bends at the cracks and i'm screaming at the top of my lungs pretending the echoes belong to someone I used to know and we become silhouettes when our bodies finally go.*~

i'm actually texting my dad to persuade him to get me an ipod. i think he's having his lunch now at work. i didn't include the prices, though. he might just choke on his food while reading. tsk.

and i don't want the ipod nano. wtf, only 4gb? i don't just listen to search and iklim, okay. i would like my father to buy me the 30gb ipod. all my fucking songs in the computer can be happily transfered.

wait, maybe i should tell him to regard the ipod as my early 19th birthday present?
ah hah! great idea, shahila. keep it up. right.

anyway, i ended the sms with, 'abah, i still want to buy.'

2006-05-23T03:31:00.000+08:00

mp3: somewhere a clock is ticking
artist: snow patrol
~*don't you breathe? something happened, that I never understood. you can't leave. every second, dripping off my fingertips. Wwage your war. another soldier, says he's not afraid to die. well i am scared. in slow motion, the blast is beautiful. doors slam shut. a clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away. safe and sound.*~

i just figured. i've wasted my weekly allowance on fags, starbucks coffee, fags, food, starbucks coffee, fags and fags and fucking fags. it's not even funny anymore.

i fucking hate it. i could have saved them all and get myself a fucking new pair of flats and perhaps also a polaroid camera and maybe, just maybe, mr balenciaga, too.

nenek stopped by late in the afternoon. she gave me some cash. i thought i could at least save the fucking buckaroos. then i just remembered, we're going fag-crazy tomorrow evening with some starbucks coffee and dosages of our pathetic life-stories with a pinch of dumb/vulgar antics. so the fucking money and energy will be burnt. fuck(for the money, part).

no motherfuckers, i don't want to fucking work. not when the world cup is on. and the bloody world cup comes around every fucking four years. and i don't want to wait for another four fucking years. all the hot footballers would have probably died due to excessive comsumption of the fucking alcohol, then. argh.

fucking cunt and good night.

ps: zul, kindly inform me the time and place tomorrow.

2006-05-21T15:40:00.000+08:00

mp3: this modern love
artist: bloc party
~*don't get offended if i seem absent minded. just keep telling me facts and keep making me smile. don't get offended if I seem absent minded. i get tongue-tied. baby, you've got to be more discerning. i've known never known what's good for me.
i will be yours. i'll pay for you anytime.*~

i ~~need~~ want them.

1) polaroid camera
2) fucking ipod
3) mr balenciaga
4) new pair of jeans. for some reason, i'm frigging sick of the levis' hanging at the back of my bedroom door.
5) white, hi-cut chuck taylor's
6) white suspenders
7) dark-blue waistcoat
8) tediously long bronze jewellery
9) kula shaker's t-shirt
10) ~~a tattoo~~

it's a sunday afternoon and i've not taken my bath. i'm still sleepy eventhough i woke up at 12.

i hate doing housework on sundays. it's a fucking sunday, nobody does anything productive on this very day.

i feel like locking myself up in a sauna while blasting to interpol. and dance.

i had to pick up some stuff for dad yesterday at the opposite electrical store. it was sudden, so i went out of the house without bathing and washing my face. my hair was a total battleground. and the funny thing was, i didn't fucking care at all. there weren't any good-looking males to begin with. so fuck it.

what have i become?

speaking of which, i need a haircut. or least a trim.

2006-05-20T00:24:00.000+08:00

mp3: c'mere
artist: interpol
~*it's so me, we make time. try to find somebody else. this place is mine. set the day, you know exactly how i feel. i had my doubts little girl. i'm in love with something real. it could be me, that's changing..*~

hohoho. updates. overdue, though. had a small get-together with two of my primary school mates last wednesday. it's just so weird to know they haven't changed. satu still as kental, lagi satu still herself, diana. =] we talked and talked and laughed and laughed so hard. biaser jugak, lepak di starbucks. oh, i know my face looked totally retarded in the group photo above. don't bother mentioning.

diana and aidi. this is even mental to comprehend; i used to have a crush on aidi in primary four. hahaha. giler babi, eh.

is it true that guys are so fond of themselves? 99.99% of the time, si aidi was insisting to take shots of himself. i think he's still cute lah after all these donkey years. haha. and also, he kept saying that he looks comel and manis. wtf, to that. =]

hahahaha. aper nak jadi. i don't know but i hate smiling. makes my face insanely bloated a.k.a tembam nak mampos. gross lah ok. sometimes, when i look at my smiling photos, i will start to imagine, 'if i'm a guy, i definitely wouldn't want to date someone like me'. hahaha.

lastly, the man of my dreams. i saw him buat kali kedua. adakah ini takdir? hahaha

diana was such a darling, she layankan my giler and took pics of that guy. hahaha. i've met him before tau. at zul's gig last march.

i'm his secret lover.

2006-05-14T02:32:00.000+08:00

mp3: gypsy
artist: fleetwood mac
~* so i'm back to the velvet underground, back to the floor that i love. to a room with some lace and paper flowers. back to the gypsy that i was to the gypsy that i was and it all comes down to you. well you know that it does, well lightning strikes maybe once maybe twice. oh and it lights up the night and you see your gypsy you see your gypsy..*~

aku seriously nak gi seoul, korea. bukan pasal yang ceriter kat channel 5 tuh tau.. seoul far, seoul good. nih pasal hyun bin, kekasih awal dan akhir daku. just look at the fucking huge posters of him at the malls in seoul.

sak ah, plastic bags pun ader muker dier! fucking babi, betol! i've asked around the cellphone shops, dorang tak jual cyon idea. that brand is under lg. cam siak ok.
aku dah ber-iyer-yer nak pakai konon-konon cellphone yg di-endorsed oleh si dier. skali kat negara si dinda don't carry cyon idea fuck shit. sorry, kanda.

and to think that laki-laki melayu kebanyakan yang dah gone-cases a.k.a hanyut, aku tidak akan ragu-ragu utk berkahwin dgn teruna ciner ok. muker macam hyun bin gitu. sunat ker tak sunat ker, tuh belakang kire. sumpah aku tak kesah kahwin ciner kacak, tinggi, pandai dan bersopan-satun. hopefully islam. pasal kalau bukan, susah sikit. aku sendiri bab agama ader macam mendak, nih pulak nak ajar suami. maybe tak payah.
haha. nak dikirekan pun, certain laki-laki melayu, ckp jer islam, perangai tetap jer hanyut. i don't think i need to elaborate.

anyway, aku accept teruna-teruna berbangser ciner/korea yang berikut. as in how they look lah. pasal you and i know, some ciner muker babi habis.

1)

2)

3)

4)

ok, cumer empat jer. but ok lah, dari takder.

tomorrow is sunday. just like every other day.

2006-05-10T23:50:00.000+08:00

mp3: club foot
artist: kasabian
~*one.. take control of me? you're messing with the enemy. said it's 2.. it's another trick. messing with my mind, I wake up. chase down an empty street. blindly snap the broken beats, said it's cut with a dirty trick. it's taken all these days to find you. i tell you, i want you. i tell you, i need you.*~

i don't think i will be working part-time this holiday. i've tried asking around but apparently, they prefered chinese-speaking employees. ah, ghastly. anyway, world cup will start next month. i can't wait. and, this time, the matches will be in the wee mornings. so i guess working part-time will jeopardise this little fantasy of mine.

moving on swiftly, i'm still disturbed with the date, 24th july 2006. that is when my next semester starts. it's really inappropriate. college is just pathetic.

i'm really bored. internet is getting boring. wtf.

2006-05-08T03:54:00.000+08:00

mp3: bright eyes
artist: lua
~*when everything is lonely I can be my own best friend. i'll get a coffee and the paper, have my own conversations. with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection. the mask I polish in the evening by the morning looks like shit. you're looking skinny like a model with your eyes all painted black. just keep going to the bathroom, always say you'll be right back. well, it takes one to know one, kid, I think you've got it bad. but what's so easy in the evening by the morning's such a drag.*~

i need to meet sofrie tomorrow. but i don't know if it'll make my mother happy or otherwise. i've been out everyday for the past week. i guess that would've probably ticked her off. plus, she's having her pms. hmm, that's okay, i will have mine soon. she'll see.

i'm stingy with words(and visuals) lately.

2006-04-28T01:22:00.000+08:00

2006-04-27T14:40:00.000+08:00

PAP would probably win 90123759136593816590 seats says:
fana jantung aku tgh dug dag dug dag

Fiddy so seductive dancin with me..Its the way that he moves is makin me horny...WOoaahh!!! says:
tengah dag dug.. pun masih tengah check out dektu pakai tali kat pinggang.. matair dektu hotel model..

Fiddy so seductive dancin with me..Its the way that he moves is makin me horny...WOoaahh!!! says:
wakakkaka

PAP would probably win 90123759136593816590 seats says:
HAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAH

PAP would probably win 90123759136593816590 seats says:
SIAL

PAP would probably win 90123759136593816590 seats says:
HOTEL MODEL

PAP would probably win 90123759136593816590 seats says:
OTAK KAU

just like the good old days.

2006-04-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

mp3: if i could turn back time
artist: cher
~* if i could turn back time, if i could find a way, i'd take back those words that hurt you and you'd stay. if I could reach the stars, i'd give them all to you. then you'd love me, love me. like you used to do..*~

i missed sofrie. he hasn't been online for a couple of days now. and, it's the semester break so i couldn't meet him as much, either. let's go to happy one of these days, ok? and dance to 'hips don't lie' with the other happy gays and sing 'shahila.. shahila..' instead of 'shakira.. shakira..', tau. mental.

2006-04-16T01:46:00.000+08:00

mp3: dialah di hati
artist: siti nurhaliza
~*kendati selautan segunung, permata dikanan dan kiri. selagi jantungku berdegup hingga tiba saat terhenti, dialah dihati. tiada pilihan kedua, pertama hingga akhir usia; hanya dia..*~

2006-04-07T01:30:00.000+08:00

mp3: fade away
artist: blur
~*they stumbled into their lives. in a vague way became man and wife. one got the other they deserved one another. they settled in a brand new town. with people from the same background. kept themselves busy. long hours left them dizzy. now when he's in, she's out.*~

i'm jaded and pictures of johnny depp will do me some good. without vanessa paradis, of course.

these are his recent snaps. beautiful hair. and i'm nuts over his outfit. also, i love his skin colour(last picture, especially). oh, he was at mont blanc's 100th anniversary thingy. speaking of which, that reminded me of laurent blanc. i wonder how he's been doing.

2006-04-05T02:56:00.000+08:00

mp3: she is
artist: clazziquai
~* the lyrics are in korean which i cannot comprehend, yet. *~

i've been hooked on a particular korean drama series. 'my name is kim sam-soon'. 16 episodes. i have the DVD already but right now, as i am typing these, i've got.. 5 windows of youtube broadcasting the show. the story plot is brilliant. the actor is even better. ok, he's korean. and i don't usually fancy the cina-ish men but he's an exception. i think because he dresses so well and has a mysterious personality. i have a few shots of him. the last is my favourite. probably due to his perfect black jacket.

ps: his birthdate is on the 25th september 1982. we, september babies are simply hot. =]

2006-03-19T02:02:00.000+08:00

mp3: we belong together
artist: gavin degraw
~*the hammer may strike, be dead on the ground. a net to my hand, a cross on his crown. we're done if, who we're undone, finished if who we are incomplete. as one we are everything, we are everything we need. we belong together like the open seas and shores. wedded by the planet force. we've all been spoken for.*~

i'm in love with james franco. just recently. i have to, i have to, i have to watch the above films. i don't care how or when. abang johnny in the libertine. awesome.

2006-03-19T01:02:00.000+08:00

mp3: bang
artist: yeah yeah yeahs
~*my skin tonight is a blazing. but i don't think you're my type. what i need tonight's the real thing. i need the real thing tonight. as a fuck son, you sucked. the bigger the better. bang bang bang. the bigger the better*~

so i injured myself on a friday afternoon. sprained my back. it was one of the most terrifying days i've ever had in my life. i don't intend to elaborate further. but i'll be off from school till tuesday. hail god for that. here are 3 pictures i took while sitting alone in the ward. CGH is fucking creepy. Eastshore forever.

on wednesday, two days before the accident, i did some justice to the camera. you can judge.

i need my pills, now. later.

2006-03-09T01:44:00.000+08:00

mp3: when the sun goes down
artist: arctic monkeys
~*and i've seen him with girls of the night; and he told Roxanne to put on her red light. they're all infected but he'll be alright, cause he's a scumbag, don't you know. i said he's a scumbag, don't you know! although you're trying not to listen, avert your eyes and staring at the ground. she makes a subtle proposition. i'm sorry love, i'll have to turn you down.*~

last night was probably the most awe-inspiring-yet-hysterical assembly we've had. i cannot harboured how a birthday hullabaloo could turn into something really bizarre. in a witty way, definitely. the first-half of the evening was rather average. normal exchanged banters. and the typical tiup-candle ceremony. overall, i truly enjoyed myself.

everyone else up there turned 19. nasha's 20. you've already hit the big two-zero.

another version of the cake.

ah semua berebut nak light the candles.

si mata biru nak step buat expression muka mcm aku jer?

senyum!

lawar lah tuh muka.

happy birthday.

dinna, make-up style baru?

mentel. khadijah dan shahila(saya).

3 and a half dara?

kat traffic light pun jadi lah..

pantang masuk tandas.

lagi-lagi dalam toilet.

a not very necessary picture.

round the table shot. as usual, selalu tak menjadi.

jah was the first!

ini sangat brutal, kawan-kawan.

i told jah i loved how her legs are positioned here. and alittle of nasha and me at the sides.

yeah peace, sistah.

dinna looked 'satisfied' for some reason.

nasha has a cute ass. too bad he isn't gay.

jam and jah could still pose for the camera.

i turned as red as shaiful's t-shirt. come on lah, satu geng dah kat atas aku, sak.

i was at the very bottom. you could see how i survived the 'ordeal'.

i took this one. jah insisted it looked like we were in a kampung era. LOL.

all smiles, eh.

i couldn't stop laughing. picture of the night.

maybe i dah tak tau nak type aper? so maybe entice your eyes with the pictures?

2006-03-03T14:15:00.000+08:00

mp3: you were there
artist: southern sons
~*i guess you've heard, i guess you know. in time i'd have told you; but i guess i'm too slow. it's overly romantic. but i know that it's real. i hope you don't mind. if i say what i feel. it's like I'm in somebody else's dream. this could not be happening to me.*~

dear god,

save me from the opinions of assholes.

2006-03-03T01:32:00.000+08:00

mp3: gimme gimme gimme (a man after midnight)
artist: abba
~*movie stars. find the end of the rainbow, with a fortune to win. it's so different from the world i'm living in. tired of T.V. i open the window and i gaze into the night. but there's nothing there to see, no one in sight. there's not a soul out there. no one to hear my prayer. gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight. won't somebody help me chase the shadows away. gimme gimme gimme a man after midnight. take me through the darkness to the break of the day..*~

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It takes 17 muscles to smile, and 43 to frown at shahila ismail depp!
In Chinese, the sound 'shahila ismail depp' means 'bite the wax tadpole'.

2006-02-23T02:13:00.000+08:00

mp3: i don't know what to do with my life
artist: buzzcocks
~*i don't know what to do with my life. should i give it up and make a new start? i don't know what to do with my life cos the one i've got just tears me apart. i can't wake up in the morning and i can't get to sleep at night. i'm not expecting things to be perfect but a high success rate would be nice.*~

i'm starting to continue completing my homework. man, don't you just hate the word, homework? i do. so yeah, these days has been exceptionally mediocre. you practically have nothing to look forward to. ok, maybe there's still school and my daily shopping affair. but that's about it. they say, people sometimes don't get what they deserved. and i can certainly see where they're heading to. come on fate, i'm entitled to more shit than crap. or is it vice versa? still, at the end of the day, i'm just dying. not die, die. but just die. empty soul. it's pretty sad.

i thought for a second there, that life was exciting. it is, of course. the problem is, i don't get my adrenaline pumping like how it used to. or maybe because i got older? see, getting old wasn't my main intention. i'm still thinking, though.. will i ever get married? no, i'm not obsessed with men. but yes, i'm interested in sex. ok, let's pretend i didn't reveal my previous sentence, shall we? on the other hand, i'm 70% sure i will end up having a high-paid and gorgeous husband and seven kids.

these days, soap dramas are one of my addictions. mexican, philipino, malaysian, you name it. i'm thrilled to watch. and usually, these main actresses, they are just lucky. tall, pretty, beautiful skin, long-silky hair, handsome co-stars. they don't necessarily have to be rich, though. because the story-line is very typical. poor girl meets rich boy. fell in love. rich boy's family detest their relationship. and it goes on and on and on. i'm just into the romance part. really. it makes me want to fall in love all over again. maybe, i should. no. yes. whatever.

i don't know what to do with my life.

2006-02-22T02:10:00.000+08:00

mp3: psycho killer
artist: talking heads
~*i can't seem to face up to the facts. i'm tense and nervous, and i, can't relax
i can't sleep cause my bed's on fire. don't touch me, I'm a real live wire;
you start a conversation you can't even finish it. psycho killer, qu'est que c'est
you're talking a lot, but you're not saying anything. when I have nothing to say, my lips are sealed. say something once, why say it again?*~

"the 18-year old girl that has been reincarnated in the recent months through harsh civilisation, appeals to the mass."

2006-02-19T03:47:00.000+08:00

mp3: the great depression
artist: the jam
~*no sense or reason in your fussing and fighting. and your violent obsession. who's ever really left feeling fine, after the great depression? no sense of purpose in the competion, keeping up with the jones's. you buy a house, you buy a car. you buy a marriage and a bed of roses..*~

sisterhood; a beautiful ritual; caught on tape.

we've shared so much laughter,
shared so many tears.
we've a spiritual kindhip,
that grows stronger each year.
we're not sisters by birth;
but we knew from the start,
god put us together,
to be sisters by heart..

sorority sisters.

2006-02-12T01:56:00.000+08:00

mp3: kias fansuri
artist: m.nasir
~*jangan sesekali kau ceritakan pengalamanmu yusuf, takut-takut mengundang bencana. siapa tahu, betapa berat cinta yang ditanggung. sehingga dia sanggup lakukan biar apa saja demi mendapatkan restu Sultan cahaya hatinya. tak sia-sia azam zulaikha, bisa jadi cermin mengintai jiwa. tak sia-sia mimpi zulaikha, bisa jadi lorong insan bercinta..*~

" siapa tahu, betapa berat cinta yang ditanggung; sehingga dia sanggup lakukan biar apa saja, demi mendapatkan restu sultan cahaya hatinya.. "

m.nasir is one hell of a brilliant song-writer.

2006-02-09T02:41:00.000+08:00

mp3: can't stand me now
artist: the libertines
~*an ending fitting for the start. you twisted and tore our love apart. your light fingers through the dark. shattered the lamp into darkness, they cast us all. no, you've got it the wrong way round. you shut me up, and blamed it on the brown. cornered the boy, kicked out at the world. the world kicked back a lot fucking harder now..*~

i know, i've said before that i would like to be unmarried for the rest of my life. that is simply because there aren't much nominees of men that are worth getting hitched to. in my opinion, at least.

but then again, life is full of surprises. look who i found..(definitely not singaporean)

he is so fucking gorgeous that it isn't even funny.

i'm not asking much, am i?

if i am, virgin mary forever lah jawapnya.

2006-02-07T23:57:00.000+08:00

mp3: ada
artist: m. nasir
~*dalam hutan, ada taman. dan dalam taman ada puterinya. dalam baju, ada cinta. dan dalam cinta dda segala-galanya. dalam awan, ada hujan. dan dalam hujan ada lautan. dalam aku, ada dia. dan dalam dia ada kita, ada semua..*~

right now, i am religiously entertaining sofrie on msn. my best toy-boy.

anyway, we had lunch at the opposite hawker centre earlier today. pat, me, sofrie and dylan(yasmin joined us much later). dylan is an adorable chinese guy that i had a crush on late last year and he freaking knows it. i frigging couldn't concentrate on my food. nasi ayam or dylan? hell, dylan.

and so we finished eating and sofrie tetek decided to order teh tarik. after which he gave me his ever-so-fucking-slutty pose with it.

Sofrie Jasman says:
eh u ngah dgr m. nasir
Sofrie Jasman says:
astaraaaaaaa
the rise and fall of Ziggy Stardust says:
ok maybe , i personally thinks m.nasir sounds so hot vocally?
Sofrie Jasman says:
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Sofrie Jasman says:
OK, BESOK AKU MAIN KAU. JADI, KAU TAKE BACK YOUR WORDS.
Sofrie Jasman says:
happy, tak?
the rise and fall of Ziggy Stardust says:
happy sangat. ok. time and place, please?
Sofrie Jasman says:
ok, after ina's class, kite gi belakang lasalle.
Sofrie Jasman says:
atau toilet?

yes, we're horny like that.

2006-02-06T03:49:00.000+08:00

mp3: gadisku
artist: search
~*cinta kan bermakna jika sama saling memahami. cintaku bercahaya jika disulami cinta suci. gadisku.. dikaulah hidup ini; rangkap tak bermaya. dia datang membawa harapan. di kala hari-hariku menjadi gelita; dia datang membawa cahaya.*~

i love this feeling. it's nearly 4 in the morning. assignment completed. munching an apple while listening to 'gadisku' and surfing the internet.

oh wait, i forgot.. i have a class to attend at 9am, later.

which reminds me that i have to sleep soon. but.. now, would be a better idea.

good morning.

" oh jejaka kuuuuu, di mana kah kamuuuuuu..?! "

2006-01-28T23:20:00.000+08:00

mp3: hard to beat
artist: hard fi
~*read all about it, have you heard the latest? boy in a band, babe, hollywood actress. But baby, you and me, we came up from the street. no time to hesitate, we’ve got to push our weight. goodness, no, i've never known a night like this, can't believe it. you're so hard to beat. hard to beat..*~

how are you feeling today? i don't know, good maybe. oh okay, life? couldn't be better. really? really. you must be having a ball of a time. not necessarily. why so? because i'm human and i don't fancy many things, either. Hmm, even love? Ah, love. Yes. I'm not too keen on that particular issue, anymore. that's pretty sad, isn't it. perhaps, but i like it this way. broken-hearted before? been there, done that, got over it. how old are you? 18. amazing. hah, tell me about it. one question though, was it truly love? possible. not intending to look for somebody new? not at all. marriage, then? depends. but it's every girl's dream, you know. i'm not that every girl, you see. of course. i hate being normal, too banal. oh. i get bored easily, too. you are different. that's what i've been wanting to hear. no doubt. for the record, i'd rather marry a homosexual. jesus christ. fuck it.

2006-01-25T02:50:00.000+08:00

2006-01-23T15:47:00.000+08:00

mp3: armageddon it
artist: def lappard
~*You try coming on when you need some. But then you don't cos you already did. Yeah, you jangle your jewels while your shaking ya. And drive the pretty boys outta their heads. You got it. But are you getting it? You flash your bedroom eyes like a jumping jack. Then play it pretty with a pat on the back. Come on, steve, get it..*~

love, there are no kosher definitions;
all we've ever got were dominant confusions.

and you, you are a mere illusion;
with much fusion to your dimension.

2006-01-12T02:46:00.000+08:00

mp3: black
artist: pearl jam
~*I know someday you'll have a beautiful life, I know you'll be a star. In somebody else's sky, but why.. Why, why can't it be, why can't it be mine?*~

3.00am.

coffee and apples.

extemporaneous reminiscing.

here is an encore for you;

i'm still overwhelmed by what you've turned me into.

and it has been 3 god-damned years.

the habitual disappointment all over again.

picture perfect, sir.

2006-01-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

mp3: the fallen
artist: franz ferdinand
~*And the Kunst won't talk to you. Because you kissed St Rollox Adieu. Because you robbed a supermarket or two. Well, who gives a damn about the prophets of Tesco? Did I see you in a limousine? Flinging out the fish and the unleavened. Turn the rich into wine. Walk on the mean. For the fallen are the virtuous among us. Walk among us. Never judge us. Yeah we're all..*~

my new year's resolution?

fitter; happier; more productive.
-radiohead; ok computer-

there.

2005-12-12T03:36:00.000+08:00

mp3: kasihnya laila
artist: jinbara
~*Dibalik selendang sembunyi nurkasihmu. Tersimpul hatimu hatiku satu. Persis si majnun menagih kasihnya laila. Terbelah dunia tetap bersama. Bawaku bersamamu gapai sejahtera. Dikenangi kau aku suci titisan kasih. Seisi alam pun pastikan merestui. Moga kasih lailaku kan kekal abadi.*~

i love friendster. no, not because i could show off to the whole world how swanky my pictures are or whether i have cool friends but instead, it helps me 'reunite' with the seniors from my secondary school. particularly the class of 2000(we were barely 13 then. funny how time flies.).

i went friendster-ing just now. i 'found' quite a number of 'old' faces. faces that once made me and my other 5 girlfriends went totally bonkers.

'abang-abang dari batch 2000 sachok-sachok dokkkkkkk!'

they were the 'abang-abang sec 4'. and we were the 'adek-adek sec 1 yang mentel-mentel'. hahahaha..

recap of who likes which 'abang'(s)

darn(jah): ok frankly, she was into those dark-skinned-anything-peranakan-and-arab dudes. even now. at that time, they were mainly si jerawat itam, shahrul (sp?), ahmad..
hail 50cent(fana): ah dier nih pun samer mcm cik kak kiter di atas. suker jantan2 yg itam manis.. tapi sadly sis, 50cent tak manis langsung.. dier tuh itam haprak! hahahaha..
jamie(jam): i couldnt recall she liking any of the seniors.. get back to this later.
honey(deen): namer nak honey jer.. hahaha.. anyway, dinna suker si amiruddin.. abang amir.. hahahahahahaha.. kental giler ah luuuu.. she was the one who loved contributing gula-gula hacks to those males lah.. dek nih suker bodek-bodek lah!
syido-dido(syidah): wah, i know she also like that abang amir.. she likes any guys with dimples lah.. pelik..
vogue(mrs depp): hahahaha.. i liked ahmad.. which is fana's cousin.. the same ahmad jah liked.. hahaha.. kekentalan sungguh menyerlah.. then there was my so-called abang angkat.. that sevki.. now footballer tuh lah(the picture below).. oh.. and i even liked my npcc teacher.. mr. kader.. hahahahaha! that's how my dumb email address came about.. shahilaka13@hotmail. the stupid 'KA' was from his name lah.. kader.. hahahahaha.. dasar bodoh..

sundal sangat perangi kiter dulu.. eh sekarang pun masih agak nyer.. hahaha.. i tak boleh publish any sec 1 pics for the time being.. i dont have any.. so korang-korang yg ader, sila antar..

ah, sekarang dah 4.17am.. it's bed time..

2005-12-06T01:03:00.000+08:00

mp3: i know
artist: save ferris
~*My momma said to stay away from guys like you. She said they were nasty, make me do things I don't wanna do. Stay away from bad boys they've got one thing on their minds. Their hormones are raging and they want it all the time. And i know cause she said so, and i can't just let you go. Well I love you very much, your nice to see and nice to touch. But I would never, ever, ever treat you wrong been waiting for you all along.*~

my new found ~~love~~______. i am staggeringly smittened. really.

2005-12-01T02:42:00.000+08:00

mp3: comfortably numb
artist: pink floyd
~*When I was a child, I had a fever. My hands felt just like two balloons. Now I've got that feeling once again. I can't explain, you would not understand. This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.*~

so who the fuck wears yellow/orange flower-printed top and bright yellow pants?

only, johnny depp. and hell did he pull it off so fucking well.

2005-11-25T03:27:00.000+08:00

mp3: what's going on
artist: 4 non blondes
~*For whatever that means and so I cry somethimes when I'm lying in bed. Just to get it all out what's in my head. And I'm, I am feeling a little peculiar. So I wake in the morning and I step outside. And I take deep breath and I get real high. And I scream from the top of my lungs, What's goin' on..*~

i fuckingly have to get my ass down to kuala lumpur, malaysia. don't ask why.

i just want to.

2005-11-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

mp3: cinta hampa
artist: d'lloyd
~*Begitu juga cinta mu pada ku. Cinta hanya separuh hati kau lepas kembali. Nanti di suatu masa kau juga kan merasa. Betapa sakitnya hati kecewa kerana cinta. Bila kau lihat, Pemuda yang lebih gaya, Cinta mu pun segera Berpindah kepadanya.*~

for all i know, the song i've been searching for the past months, has always been in my playlist. i'm listening to it right now. which reminds me of a phrase. 'there are some things you just can't see yet. but don't assume they're not there.'

like what? that's the point, dumbass. you can't see it yet. ah, yes. pardon me. i can be a total half-witted bitch at times. and without skipping a heartbeat, i could be the opposite(very unlikely).

i'm bored. it's only half past 12. i don't go to bed until 3-4 in the morning. bloody hell.

i'm thinking of watching harry potter. but then, i've got no one to watch it with.
speaking of which, there's an disadvantage being the eldest. in my scenario, my younger brother came only 4 years later. and it's a boy. i can't share much interest, can i? i wish i had a twin sister. or a 2-years younger sister(not that i don't have any. has 2. but we're like 7 and 10 years age gap). anything sisters is love.

and my brother, most of the time, he's against the clothes i wear. he thinks i look like an 'orang gila'. but then, these 'orang gila's are the bombs, goddamit.

ah, nature's call.

doesn't mean you are thin, you are some cool shit, ok?

repent, bitch, repent.

2005-11-21T03:09:00.000+08:00

mp3: hung up
artist: madonna
~*Every little thing that you say or do. I'm hung up. I'm hung up on you. Waiting for your call. Baby night and day. I'm fed up. I'm tired of waiting on you.*~

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

so basically, i don't have much agendas now that school has given it's much awaited break. hence, what do i do in my spare time? i've picked up a new hobby for myself.

it's nothing unique, nothing cool. in fact, some of you might address it as kental.
memang betol pun. kental maut nak mampos punyer nih.

i've joined forces with mom. on her queen-sized bed. every evening at 7.
i'm addicted to malaysian dramas, films. anything malaysian on tv.
the main aim here is to look out for azri iskandar.

eh, have i announced to the whole world who's the hot guy i'm into now?

oh, his name is azri iskandar. malaysian actor. married.(tak sesuai sangat.) 38 years of age.

ok lah tuh kan.. daripada eman manan? 47 tahun..

tapi jgn salah sangka, i still fancy eman manan. *hidup orang-orang veteran*

moving on swiftly, as i was saying, about this azri guy.(zul, nih bukan kau. walaupun namer kau zul-azri. ok u can kill me now.) he's ellie suriaty's husband lah. alah si ellie tuh.. actress jugak.. tapi.. ok lah.. muker dier manis lah..

i don't have a decent picture of him in my hard drive. yet. pasal semua gambar-gambar dier yg ada online, ader misai. itu trademark mat-mat malaysia habis. aku tak brapa suker lah.. jadi.. hari-hari aku tgk cerita pontianak harum sundal mlm tuh..
tapi part ader dier jer.. part lain aku skip..

and wtf.. phsm 2, he's not acting.. irritating teramat sangat.

tapi takper, every tuesday kat tv2, 9pm.. ader this episode-by-episode punyer thing lah.. and he's the lead actor..

tu ari tuh, mak aku ader lah pekik-pekik.. 'kakak, ini nih kawan kau ader pat tv..'
aku trus dah.. ah, jgn-jgn budak-budak ex-springfield..

skali sewaktu mata aku memandang kaca tv, hari aku terhenti..
'*terpekik dgn kuatnya*'. dan di saat itu, bapak ku telah memanggil anaknya ini seorang perempuan giler.

azri iskandar, cool giler lah.

2005-11-18T02:03:00.000+08:00

mp3: mary jane
artist: janis joplin
~*Oh if a man should look tame now, mean and mature,They all turn out the same.'cause they can't do nothing to make a man feel goodLike my old mary jane.Mary jane, mary jane, lord, my mary jane.*~

this post is dedicated solely to one of my bestest friends, farhana wahianuar.
we all know how much she fancies 50 cent and apparently for myself, how ugly he actually is.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Fana, muker 50 kat sini betol2 mcm shah ibrahim yg dj warna tuh! ini bukan ckp main2.. ini ckp masjid, beb..

HAHAHAHAHA!

wtf with the new hairdo siak? and that arm, mcm peha+betis budak 14 tahun yang telah di conteng2 dgn arang!

fana, aku tau tu ari aku baru minta maaf semua.. but this is really severe.

HAHAHAHAHA..

ok, so now u like shah ibrahim lah?

2005-11-12T02:13:00.000+08:00

mp3: tnt
artist: acdc
~*See me ride out of the sunset. On your colour TV screen. Out for all that I can get. If you know what I mean. Women to the left of me. And women to the right. Ain't got no gun. Ain't got no knife. Don't you start no fight.*~

school's out! i need an activity to occupy myself.

i'm open for suggestions.

2005-09-18T22:46:00.000+08:00

mp3: hello, i love you.
artist: the doors
~* She holds her head so high. Like a statue in the sky. Her arms are wicked, and her legs are long. When she moves my brain screams out this song. Sidewalk crouches at her feet. Like a dog that begs for something sweet. Do you hope to make her see, you fool?
Do you hope to pluck this dusky jewel? Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello
I want you. Hello, I need my baby. Hello, Hello, Hello, Hello. *~

i had the best birthday party.

terima kasih kepada semua yang telah hadir di majlis hari jadi saya pada hari jumaat lepas. saya sungguh gembira.

2005-09-12T14:37:00.000+08:00

mp3: merindu kepastian
artist: art fazil

Andai kau menjadi pelangi
Biar ku jadi awannya
Agar kita selalu bersama

Andai kau menjadi sang duyung
Biar ku jadi karangnya
Agar kita sentiasa bersua

Andai kau menjadi merpati
Biar ku jadi sang bayu
Agar kita sering bertemu

Andai kau menjadi puisi
Biar ku menjadi melodi
Bersama kita menyanyi

Andai ku menjadi rembulan
Sudikah kau menjadi kejora
Hingga pagi nanti

Andai esok aku menjadi tanah
Sudikah engkau menjadi bunga
Menghiasi dadaku..

2005-09-10T01:02:00.000+08:00

mp3: slow hands
artist: interpol
~*I submit my incentive is romance. I watched the pole dance of the stars. We rejoice cause the hurting is so painless. From the distance of passing cars, But I am married to your charms and grace. Just be crazy like the good old days. You make me wanna pick up a guitar. And celebrate the myriad ways that I love you..*~

i was awaken by a buzz-like sound patheticly dominating my ear drums. at first i thought i was still in dreamland but surprisingly, that noise somewhat developed into a voice that i was too familiar with. of course, it was my father's voice. there and that, i was praying hard he wasn't preaching to me considering i slept from 6 till 9 in the evening. lady luck was beside me hence, he wasn't. thank god. he was screwing my brother, instead. good job, old man. it amuses me everytime i see the only 2 owners of the penis in my household, arguing with one another. neither will give in. and that is the entertaining part. the ordeal won't be that funny once physical contact is involved. but hey, i don't mind watching that son-of-a-gun(my brother) being bashed up.

eh, i'll continue later. fana asked me to call her. nak berbual konek.

4 days.

oh yes, before that, look what i've found.

i swear it was a pure coincidence. macam orang-orang tua cakap, kalau dah jodoh, tak kan ke mana. hahahahahaha!

look lah at my ring and his ring. same finger, some more!
dia betol-betol cintai aku. wakakakakaka!

2005-09-08T08:59:00.000+08:00

mp3: wasted days
artist: the slackers
~*What have I done wrong that I should be sorry? You broke my heart, you left in no hurry. All I'm sorry for is all those wasted days, all those wasted ways that I loved you. What didn't I do that made you want to leave me? My life was so full, now it seems so empty. What I didn't do was love you every night like I wanted to be alive if I couldn't love you..*~

it's 9 in the morning. i've got class at 10. but as per usual, i don't feel like going. i'm down with a slight fever and this has 'rummaged' the cells all over my body. i took some panadols and will be going to the afternoon class after which, i will sew. and this my dear friends, is very unlikely of shahila. ok, i don't wish to go further talking about school. it's very heart-wrenching.

i've always thought ghosts and spirits are women. but after what i watched last night, it's official ladies and gentlemen, we have males in the supernatural world.
pretty creepy. women ghosts are so over-rated. and now, we have the men.

alright, i'm going to continue resting.

6 days.

2005-08-30T23:41:00.000+08:00

mp3: that's the way i like it
artist: kc and the sunshine band
~*When I get to be in your arms, when we're all all alone. When you whisper sweet in my ear, when you turn, turn me on. Oh, that's the way, I like it. That's the way, I like it. That's the way, I like it. That's the way, I like it. Say O.K. That's the way, that's the way..*~

i'm fucking tired. i hate tuesdays. and wednesdays. and thurdays. and fridays. and every other day.

what's there left for me, then?

2005-08-21T01:30:00.000+08:00

mp3: the blower's daughter
artist: damien rice
~*Did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to leave it all behind? I can't take my mind off you.. I can't take my mind.. My mind.. my mind.. 'Til I find somebody new..*~

i just watched 'closer', bought the original disc earlier in the evening. it was fascinating. and to have jude law as your boyfriend and being able to fuck him every now and then, i am more than glad to watch the movie over and over again. i might just watch it again in the morning. assignments? god, why did i ever mention them at the first place?

i'm screwed in that department. i mean, seriously. heaps of upcoming homeworks; let alone overdued projects to be completed. my mind has been in a hassle. and i intend to sort everthing out before.. ok fuck, i can't even remember what date it is today. i've never been brilliant with figures, anyway. fucked as always, little missy. take it that i want, i will and i must get everything organised on sunday night. anyway, i'm having a week break from college and 2nd term of the 1st semester will resume the week after next. see, i don't trust myself when it comes to doing stuff punctually. because 200% for sure, i won't get it done as planned. i will instead, end up doing activities that are clearly not important and will never be important. i don't have much agendas to begin with. but why now? i can't deal everything at the same fucking time, can i?

i can if i want but then again, i am never sure what i want. i'm not even certain that i will graduate and work and get hitched after which i will be the mother of my husband's kids. and here, i still don't trust man. oh yes, we're back to that i-so-cannot-be-bothered topic. again, i am not going to elaborate further.

i don't know what i want in life. life is afterall, lovely..

hello, stranger.

2005-08-09T03:54:00.000+08:00

mp3: kau ilhamku
artist: man bai
~*Izinkan ku mencuri bayangan wajahmu. Izinkan ku mencuri khayalan denganmu. Maafkanlah oh.. Andai lagu ini.. Mengganggu ruangan hidupmu. Kau senyumlah oh.. Sekadar memori.. Kita di arena ini.. Kau ilhamku.. Kau ilhamku..~*

i really want to celebrate my 18th birthday at the zoo. call me crazy but i'm just going back to the basic. invite my close friends and have a mini party with the animals. (party animals, no?) presents/gifts aren't important to me. but you are. hence, let's fix a date. oh by the way, i recently bought myself a digital camera (only now?). literally, because the cash was off my father's pocket. so we could all go wild with the pictures. visual orgasms, they call it.

party hats, anyone?

2005-07-18T03:58:00.000+08:00

mp3: mencintaimu
artist: kris dayanti
~*mencintaimu.. seumur hidupku.. selamanya.. setia menanti.. walau di hati saja.. seluruh hidupku.. selamanya.. kau tetap milikku.. hanya satu yang tak mungkin kembali.. hanya satu yang tak pernah terjadi.. segalanya.. teramat berarti di hatiku selamanya..*~

aku bukan nak tangkap lentok eh. lagu tgk lah.. mintak ampun.. tapi sebenarnya aku rindu dgn kengkawan SPF aku tuh. tak ada news nih. cuma yang aku tau, jah suruh freekan diri on friday. so aku rasa, hari tuh kita ada gathering lah. in school pun skarang, aku mcm tak kena gaya sak. my course mates semuanya mcm tak sebulu dgn aku. they are nice girls but mmg aku tak sejiwa dgn dorang. aku kan slalu in the world of my own. gitu lah.. kadang2 time lagi sewing tuh, aku lagi ada time imagine jah, fana, jam masuk then pekik nama aku.. 'shahilaaaaaaaaa.. cepat lah.. kater nak gi recess..'

aduh.. aku tersentuh benar waktu tuh.. it may sound childish lah but.. that is me..
itu adalah kita. betul tak, teman2? hahahahaha.. aku sayang betul dgn korang lah!
aku tak rasa aku boleh dpt bestfrens like you girls. dan serious aku cakap nih, i can count all my close frens. pakai jari dah boleh. aku campur, mmg lah campur.. tapi kalau nak buat kawan dunia akhirat.. itu dah lain cerita.. hehe.. cari biar yg boleh harap.. jgn harapkan pagar, pagar makan padi.. gitu.. wakakakaka..
rindu pulak aku time seconday school.

pilu sungguh hati nih kalau aku nampak a grp of girls ketawa kuat2 dlm toilet.. then passing2 sikat.. abeh dorang cakap yg merepek2 nonstop.. alah.. itu reminds me of korang 3 sak.. sial betol.. buat aku emosi di tahap yg tertinggi aja.. oh yah, aku dah totally forget abt si hardy tuh.. wakakakakakakaka! pasal skarang dah tak ingat pun aku kat dia. kalau tak kan, slalu nostalgic moments. hahahaha..

oh ak ahhhh! aku ada cerita gempak nak bilang korang.. shahila menjerit! (nak step kl menjerit lah kononnya..) hehe.. eh nyahs, seriously.. kalau kita meet all 5 of us, lets lepak lama2 lah.. jgn nanti setgh jln ada yg nak balik.. ada yg nak terberak.. ada yang nak gi ceramah kat masjid..(oh, time takda gathering, tak nak gi.. bila ada mesyuarat tingkap kejap, mcm2 alasan dia kasi..)ada yang lupa nak bilang suami.. dan lain2 yg sewaktu dgn nya.. kalau siapa yg terasa pedas.. aku no comment.. hahahahahahaha!

dah lah.. dah pukol 4.23pagi pun. pukol 5 ibunda dah bangun. nanti dia nampak aku masih main komputer, silap2 batang penyapu dia ketok kepala aku nih.. mak oiiiii..

sekian, terima kasih. *ala alleycats*

2005-07-07T00:23:00.000+08:00

mp3: me and my boyfriend
artist: mocca
~*When my boyfriend smiles. The world seems all mine. And all the days seems truly fine. Make me reach up for the sky. Me & my boyfriend now. We're moving so slow. If you really want to know. Come on and join the show!*~

ioc. ioc. ioc. fuck it. abang david and abang laurent came to dinda ila's hometown at the same time. mana boleh sey! satu ex-bf, lagi satu bf. limit-limit if they bump into one another, mereka akan step mcm itu Muhammad Ali dalam boxing ring lah. But i can't do anything to alter the situation. macam orang-orang selalu cakap, 'everything happens for a reason'. oh yah, if you know me long enough, you should know who laurent blanc was to me and who david beckham is to me. see the tenses? ah hah!

by the way, ex-bf and bf met already. bukti? there.. bawah ini..

this is what i presumed they were conversing.. those in the brackets are probably what they really mean.

ex: hey, its been so long.. (ih, bodoh lah ini jantan, sibuk aja datang jugak!)
bf: hello! (mampus, balik-balik muka si tua nih. tak sadar diri agaknya.)
ex: all the best for later, alright.. (aku lepas pegang baju dekni, wajib cuci pakai tanah!)
bf: you too, then. good luck. (alamak, pegang-pegang bahu orang pulak. dah lah tinggi mcm galah. bingai betol.)

well, what can i say. they simply adore me too much.

french vs british. don't you just love that..?

ps: to the real, real, real bf, i love you. jangan ragu-ragu ok. =)

pps: i refuse to speak on victoria's visit to singapore. it hurts. real bad. i can't meet her for cunt's sake! babi.

2005-06-06T04:30:00.000+08:00

mp3: memburu rindu
artist: hattan
~*Kugenggam angin semalam, Kusimpan jadi nyanyian. Kupeluk bayang hitamku, Menjadi kamus mimpiku.*~

strange. i was browsing through some site and i actually find Pam Anderson's hubby, Tommy Lee, mouth-watering. 3 pictures below of him in his younger days. only 1 thing, the tatoos. plain annoying. other than that, he can make me wet.

tommy = sex god.

moving on.. topic: anorexic rules.

johnny cries.

what the fuck were nicole and lilo thinking? yes, they look like two walking skeletons(that's the new trend) but do they have to dress alike? lilo is becoming the next paris. that's for sure. and of course, they are mary-kate and ashley olsen wannabes. i like them both, though. maybe after i've been diagnosed with an eating-disorder, i would very much love to hang out with them. pray for me.

oh cries, i love nicole's shades. maybe she got it off christian dior's. urgh.

and the cowboy boots. 'in' thing now? perhaps. if that's the case, i don't have to worry. daddy has a red-wing similar to that. hah.

whatever.

anorexic rules.

2005-06-03T03:35:00.000+08:00

mp3: isabella
artist: search
~*dia, isabella, lambang cinta yang lara. terpisah kerana adat yang berbeza. cinta gugur bersama, daun-daun kekeringan. haluan hidupku, terpisah dengan isabella. tapi aku terpaksa, demi cinta ku, isabella.*~

for fuck's sake, i've cut my hair. again.
this time, it's freaking short. ok, maybe not that short but still not my average, 'ikal mayang' kind of length. and i have bangs. real bangs. no more now-you-see-now-you-don't bangs.
why the fuck am i repeating? up yours.

i feel like a secondary school newbie all of a sudden.

now, where are my white sneakers? oh fucking gay cunt, my math textbook..

2005-05-30T04:16:00.000+08:00

mp3: all that she wants
artist: ace of base
~*Oh what a morning, It's not a day for work. It's a day for catching tan. Just laying on the beach and having fun. She's goning to get you. All that she wants is another baby..*~

i don't know but these days, i just can't get myself to update this blog. Maybe i just couldn't get the correct words. Or perhaps, i'm too lazy. Pretty much the latter.
Heh..

Oh, alot of things have taken place. Life-changing kinda stuff which you don't get to experience everyday. hell no, it's definitely not falling in love. wtf.
love isn't what it used to be. anymore.

anyhows, i just love it when old folks come to me and say, " mudahan-mudahan ila dapat jodoh yang baik-baik.. kekal sampai ke anak cucu.."

wah sey.. aku sungguh terharu.. haha.. harap-harap doa-doa mereka akan dikabulkan.
so aku lah yang akan dapat suami yang soleh! wakakaka.

alamak, i forgot to ask them to add, " ... jodoh yang baik-baik dan kacak-kacak... "

hahahahaha..

yes, i know.. tak bersyukur punya orang! but well, kita kan nikah sekali aja..
might as well make full use of it ah.. wakakakak..

alah, malas gitu nak cakap pasal matair-matair, suami-suami..
rimas eh? wakakaka..

and ak ah, two days ago, aku tolong mama carikan uban dia, and aku volunteer urutkan abah's badan, they janji me a shopping spree.. make sure lah eh!
jgn janji kosong sudah.. hehe.. tu pasal lah aku cinta jadi anak yang pertama.. =)

ok.. mata guwa dah steam.. besok-besok update lagi..

" kakak, rambut awak mcm ekor kuda tau.. " (biar.. style per rambut mcm ekor kuda.. orang takde, kakak ader.. fashion statement.. hahahaha.. mati..)

2005-05-23T02:53:00.000+08:00

mp3: you are my destiny
artist: paul anka
~*You are my destiny. You share my reverie. You are my happiness. That's what you are. You have my sweet caress. You share my loneliness. You are my dream come true. That's what you are.*~

walah.. sayang banget deh aku sama loe! cinta cinta cinta.. walaupun kau slalu berkelakuan kayak kakek-kakek, maupun bapak-bapak.. cinta ku hanya utk kamu dong sayang!

i love you sayangness dodolness.. you my super duper cinta!

eh kalau lagi haid kan harus pake pampers. kurang-kurang 7 hari. jgn tanya melulu lagi ahk. jelek! huhuhu!

djis, u dah makan?/djis, u dah mandi?/djis, u dah ngerokok?/djis, i sayang u!/u sayang i tak?/tak?/dah ah, emang dasar!/but aku tetap sayang kamu./

d: hai... anak nakaaaaaaaaaaalllllll.... hehehhehe.......... aku kangeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn sama kenakalan kamu sayang........
i: Oh, kamu kangen ama kenakalan aku aja? Trus aku? Kamu gak kangen?
d: -_-

ahhh, nakal banget sih kamu! benci ahk! haha! dodol!

dah ahk.. aku mau mojok ama kamu lagi nih..

oh, i'll blog in some other time. lagi asik nih, soalnya.. hahahahaha!

djis, aku naksir kamuuuuuuuuuuuuuu..

d: ila... sory ya aku sibuk... klo mau tidur tidur aja dulu... tar pintu kamarnya jangan di kunci ya...
i: emang slalu gak dikunci kan.. hahaha.. buat2 gak tau sih kamu..

dodol lah u, sayangggggggggggggggggg!

2005-05-18T16:12:00.000+08:00

mp3: karmacoma
artist: massive attack
~*Don't want to be on top of your list. Phenomenally and properly kissed. We overcome in 60 seconds. With the strength we have to together. But for now, emotional ties they stay severed. When there's trust there'll be treats. And when we funk we'll hear beats.*~

I got the below from a friend's blog. i think about 90% of it are true. it does say alot about me.
all i've got to do was to answer stuff on animals. damn cool.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is low. Even if you're tempted, you'd try hard not to do it.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

2005-05-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

mp3: is this love
artist: bob marley
~*I wanna love you and treat you right; I wanna love you every day and every night: We'll be together with a roof right over our heads; We'll share the shelter of my single bed;We'll share the same room, yeah! - for Jah provide the bread.*~

how long has it been, love? lengthy enough to be missed, i presume. but right now, i just don't feel like sharing anything. i might just tear this blog down. the left side of my brain is throwing her tantrums. i've got to go..

eh seriously siak, aku dah bosan dgn segala-galanya..

2005-04-06T20:41:00.000+08:00

mp3: sugar spun sister
artist: the stone roses
~*at takes all these things and all that time. Till my sugar spun sister's happy. With this love of mine, it'll take all these things and oh much more..*~

i'm drained. mentally. but i don't remember feeling this sedated. maybe due to the raging hormones.

nothing pleasant to update about.

therefore, this is it.

2005-03-31T01:33:00.000+08:00

mp3: my sharona
artist: the knack
~*When you gonna give it to me, give it to me. It is just a matter of time Sharona.
Is it just destiny, destiny? Or is it just a game in my mind, Sharona? Never gonna stop, give it up..*~

lala lalalalalala. *skips happily to wonderland*

ila in wonderland.

2005-03-25T15:59:00.000+08:00

mp3: electricity
artist: suede
~*We got love that's as cold as stone. We got a love from a violent home. We got love and it got no name. We kiss our love with lips like pain. We got a lotta electricity. We got a love like an AC/DC..*~

let's kick off with yesterday. i skipped school. as usual. but i have a reason this time round. i had to gobble down 5 panadols in less than 12 hours.

a suicide attempt? hell, no.

the body decided to play punk. my throat was having a major campfire get-together, my bones were on the bbq grills and top it all off, my head was doing it's own version of saturday night fever. bloody hell!

bed was the only place for comfort.

i'm feeling much better now, though. thanks to the antibiotics i found inside mother's oven. own discovery. maybe i can be a doctor someday. right.

oh, my interview will be on the 31st. yeah, this month.
i hope the fashion management folks aren't rigidly conventional.
my father didn't pay 10k for nothing.

ok. i need to bathe. i'll rant again later. daddy is bringing us out.
good opportunity for shopping. father, i'll die without your money.
heh.

we got a love like an ac/dc.